this is a repost of a poem i wrote last year. i just can’t get off of it and I’m just really really proud of it because whenever i read it, its like i can actually feel the same exact feelings i had the night i was in the hospital. at only 19 years old i had been minutes away from a heart attack, and had been suffering manic depression for two years before getting this kind of help. i was in really bad shape and this poem i wrote called “Prey” heavily highlights that day as i was coming out of delirium, realizing where i was, what i did, and what i’ll have to prepare for. I titled it “Prey” because i was running around being a victim and searching for victims. I did this to myself in the end though.
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“PREY”
by Kelly Mcaulley
The longer I lay here
I can feel it
It makes my skin crawl
And I feel sick
With background noises
Back and forth, “tick, tick, tick”
Im beginning to lose it
The life im choosing
A battle I’m comfortable loosing
The longer I lay here
I can feel it
My heart starts sinking and sinking
Never a thought to what I was thinking
The noises ring closer and closer, faster and faster
I grew into such a disaster
Without sense of control
Or what I seem to be after
Im like a cat
So spare me nine lives
Ive come close
Vexation kills me, though i’ve never died
I cant stand the noise
Its a ringing, buzzing, in my ear
The longer I lay here
Those sounds of my pulse racing, my heart beating
Has its own method of teaching
Looks like ill be here a while
Says the bearer of bad news
In addition to disorderly blues
Haven’t looked in the mirror
But there’s no need
Their expressions towards my honesty
Is quite enough for me
There’s a pulse beneath my skin
As I feel it growing thicker
Im coming to, quicker and quicker
Voices carry outside, and I can feel their eyes
With their shadows passing by
Once too dark, now too bright
Its quite clear
The longer I lay here
Listed as both the criminal, the victim
Either way
Im form of prey.
